Quietly, I'm hoping all will be well. I don't want to do that because it'll be a bigger disappointment if it's not, but I can't help but hope. I also can't help check there is nothing amiss every time I go to the loo and wipe (sorry for the graphic explanation), because that's what happened before when I had a miscarriage. It's becoming an obsession. I really need to relax!
Went out last night and I'm telling you, driving the huge distance between here & Toronto (40 mins in the car!) without a loo break was difficult!
I'm also getting a nasty cold, which I could do without.
It's odd that when I was trying to get pregnant the last 6 months or so, I was so wistful every time I saw a pregnant woman, completely desperate to hold a little baby of my own again. Now I have achieved it the other mindset takes hold, which is (apart from the 'i hope this won't end in tears) "omg, ANOTHER baby? How will I cope, what will it be like, will it upset Dylan, will I have more potentially fatal health complications due to my blood disorder?" It's a huge leap from desire to fear overnight. I'm positive it's natural to have fears and doubts, every pregnant woman does, but it seems kind of ludicrous. I wish I could just relax and go with the flow, but unfortunately I don't seem to be the kind of person who can do that, I need something to worry about!
Posted by katie at December 2, 2003 09:55 AM