Why is that?
When you're young everything seems to be within your grasp. Nothing used to bother me much. I never got particularly wound up about anything. Nothing used to pray on my mind. I would do anything at the drop of a hat without fretting or worry about it. Staying up all night was a breeze, going out was fun, talking to complete strangers was no problem, nothing worried me.
I now find that I'm the opposite of all that. Drive somewhere really far? But what about the kids, they'll not enjoy it. Stay up all night? You're kidding, I'll be exhausted. Go out? Must I? Talk to strangers? Yikes, no, what would I say?? And so & so said THAT about me??? Grrr, I must stress about it incessantly.
Another part of growing up that I've found hard, mostly over the last 3 years or so, is accepting that I'm getting older and adjusting to that. For example, no longer being of interest for youngsters to talk to. Why would they? She's old and has kids. Standing at the checkout at the supermarket and buying a People Magazine which sports the headine 'Nick and Jessica to split!' The cashier, an 18 yr old girl, says to another cashier 'oh no, look at this headline!'. I answer to say it is rubbish (knowing this because I read something in another magazine, not because I'm remotely interested in it!)..... and they look at me as if to say 'why is this middle aged woman commenting on this issue which is clearly only applicable to people under the age of 25'.
Also it's about adjusting to not doing the kinds of things I used to do at age 25. For some reason I find that hard, I keep thinking I *should* still be doing those kinds of things. Whereas infact I really ought not to be doing them, wouldn't enjoy them anymore anyways, and should just grow the hell up already.
And the other stupid thing is.... I like my life just as it is. I have no idea why the concept of growing up bothers me so much.
Posted by katie at December 9, 2004 02:24 PM