babyblog

Horrendous Obsessive Paranoia

As a parent I've discovered what the helpless worry and terror is like when concerned about my children. It's just dreadful to contemplate anything that could possibly be wrong with them, ever.

Anyway, I think I touched on this once a while ago, but I'm obsessively concerned about Autism. There are 3 kids on this street alone who were diagnosed with it. With there being some concern that it could have environmental causes I've obviously been worried, and being me, not just worried but totally fucking freaked out and paranoid about it.

Dylan, obviously, and thankfully, is fine. Harry is too small to know yet, so VERY STUPIDLY I have been watching for signs of it (even though it is too soon) and looking for things that aren't there and obsessively reading about it on the internet (BAD INTERNET) and working myself up into a ridiculous panic about it. I had sort of kept a lid on it until the other night when I visited with my friend up the road who is pregnant with #3 and also PARANOID about this.

Although I'd kept a lid on it I had decided that Harry isn't looking at me enough -AVOIDING EYE CONTACT He also WASNT ALWAYS RESPONDING when I talked to him. This week I've been driving myself mad talking to him constantly, worrying when he hasn't looked at me 24 x 7 and generally freaking myself out in a huge way.

Today I noticed him pulling at his ear so I decided to go to the Doc and while I was there bite the bullet and voice my concerns even if he was going to tell me I was being stupid. Well he told me immediately that I was being silly, that Harry exhibits no signs of Autism, beaming smiles he was giving the DR and being generally very alert.

What he does have, though, it seems, is a hearing issue. He isn't hearing very well out of one ear, and less than he should out of the other. DR thinks it was caused by an ear infection and that it should clear up of it's own sometime in the next few months.

ENORMOUS RELIEF.

FOLLOWED BY MORE WORRY.

I was plagued with ear nose & throat worries as a kid and had hearing loss as a result (which fixed itself). Hopefully my little boy isn't going to go through that, or have any permanent damage to his hearing.

I have noticed since being home that if I raise my voice he responds FAR MORE than he does otherwise.

Ironically today, I'd enrolled him in a baby sign language class.

I am so VERY thankful, though, that I'm not going through what our oldest family friends are going through right now. We grew up with the Stobbs family. Their eldest son was born 10 mins before me in the same hospital, and Robert is the same age as my sister. We went on summer holidays with them and I call his parents 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'. They are going through absolute hell right now and I hope they find the strength to get through this somehow.

Posted by katie at January 27, 2005 05:49 PM