I wondered if anyone out there with 3 kids, or anyone with knowledge of large families, might have anything to share with me (No I am NOT pregnant!!!)
When D was born we weren't sure we would have another baby, we felt quite complete and due to all the health issues were reluctant to take the step again. Plus I had a tough pregnancy with him, at least a very unenjoyable one with the undiagnosed diabetes and all, and then there was the Pulmonary Embolism afterwards.......
Anyway, having had Harry and having had what was in comparison a thoroughly enjoyable pregnancy (yeah I know, go back & read the pregnancy posts and then tell us it was enjoyable Katie), and finding having a 2nd child a whole lot easier now that I know what Im doing, and all those things....... I find I am not sure if I feel 'done' with having babies. Which if you know me will know is a 100% turnabout from the 'omg I would never be able to cope with 3 kids' mentality I used to have!
Anyway, listing pro's and con's is probably not the ideal way to make a decison like this but they are thus:
Pro's
Loving being a mum, loving having my boys, thoroughly enjoy their company.
Personally rather like the thought of big family
Like the thought that the babies will have lots of siblings (well ok 3, certainly not 4!) to play with when young and to have as friends when older.
We have the space
Fortunate enough to be able to be at home to be a full time mum to devote the time to.
Love babies and want another one, LOL.
Con's
Cost
Would my time be too divided and not enough given to each child?
Would I ever have any time to myself / with G?
2 close in age (H and a 3rd who would have to come in not too distant future) = hard work?
Health implications - Protein S Deficiency / Diabetes / 3rd C-Section not things to be shrugged off lightly, though do-able
Age implications - am I getting too old ? (will be 34 in August)
Middle Child Issues - do I face setting H up to be a 'middle child' ? Will he always feel like one?
Might be a girl.
Thoughts?
Posted by katie at March 13, 2005 05:13 PMNot having any kids as yet I nevertheless feel utterly qualified to point out that some of your "cons" are somewhat spurious:
Cost
Compared to the two you already have...
Would my time be too divided and not enough given to each child?
Or alternatively, once you get to the stage where they are all slightly older.. will you get more time as they'll all amuse/annoy each other?
Would I ever have any time to myself / with G?
Do you have any at the moment?
2 close in age (H and a 3rd who would have to come in not too distant future) = hard work?
Well yes.
Health implications - Protein S Deficiency / Diabetes / 3rd C-Section not things to be shrugged off lightly, though do-able
You've never let that stop you before... even when you started out on the path to H when it was all very scary for you considering the issues you had around D's birth.
Age implications - am I getting too old ? (will be 34 in August)
Yes, you're bloody ancient woman... better get yourself into the care home this week or order your zimmer frame ;)
Don't be daft... a lot of women now, especially "professional" women aren't having their first kid until their mid-thirties.
Middle Child Issues - do I face setting H up to be a 'middle child' ? Will he always feel like one?
Dunno, I'm the eldest... I'd ask my prospective niece but she's only 4 (her brother is 3 and sister is almost 6 so a nearly similar position).
Might be a girl.
Oh I dunno, you seem to have survived being a girl for nearly 34 years ;)
LOL thanks Aka,
Cost .... maybe not now, but later......... when you're talking University fees, various activities that kids like to be enrolled in, expensive Christmas pressies, etc?
Otherwise, thanks ;-)
They do amuse each other especially as they get older. They also annoy each other like mad but I personally like the hustle and bustle of a larger family.
Yes, it might be a girl...and speaking from the experience of having a beautiful, bossy, bolshy and bloody minded four year old daughter, girls are much harder work but I wouldn't change her for anything.
Yep Becca is a good reason for having 3! :-)
Posted by: katie at March 14, 2005 08:56 AMI am the mother of three lovely girls now 17, 15, 13. I wouldn't change it for the world, however three is much more difficult that 2. Especially when they were 3 1/2 17 months and new born!!! Then i got worse (middle child syndrome defo) and any two gang up against the third!!! It is getting better but think about it... holidays beome more expensive... you can't all fit into one hotel room...people stop inviting you round...too many.
But as I say I love my giorls to bit and wouldn't swap them for anything so only you can decide....maybe like me the third one will happen with out you thinking too much!!!!
good luck
Laura, you're so right in those points, they are other things I should have put on my 'cons' lists..... in terms of cost of vacations (5 tickets to the UK becomes almost impossible to afford) and hotel rooms etc.
Posted by: Katie at March 14, 2005 01:18 PMWell, you know me - Kids: Just Say No! Then again, I suppose that means that other people have to make up for me not populating the world with my own offspring ...
On the pro side: there are lots of people in this world who ought not to be permitted to breed. You and G are not among them. You're good folks, you love your kids very much, you'd love another one just as much, and you'd do a fine job raising two kids or three kids (or four - I can just see you after #3 pops out saying you love babies so much you want another :-) No worries in that regard.
On the con side ... it's probable that the health issues that you worried about with H will be manageable with #3 just as they were with H. But just as you had to assess the risks when you decided to have H, you should keep in mind that there are still risks if you have #3. Keep that in mind, just as you kept it in mind for H.
Age? Lots of people have had perfectly healthy kids at around your age. But if you leave it for a few more years, to have a similar age gap between H and #3 as between D and H, then you'll be getting up there a bit. I don't mean that if you don't get pregnant this very evening it's too late :-) but that if you decide to go ahead with #3, early-to-mid 30s is better than close-to-40.
With two kids, you've already severely limited how much time you have to yourself, and how much private time you and G have alone. How much worse could it be with a third kid? :-)
Anyway, don't stress over it. Talk it over, think it over, and whatever decision you reach will be right.
Posted by: Steve at March 14, 2005 06:12 PM3 IS SUCH A DIFFICULT NUMBER! REMEMBER YOU ONLY HAVE 2 KNEES,2 ARMS & 1 PAIR OF HANDS. WHEN YOU ARE OUT WITH 3 CHILDREN YOU CANNOT HOLD ONTO ALL 3 OF THEM. YOU ALSO HAVE YO CONSIDER THAT A LOT OF FAMILY CARS WITH 5 SEATS CAN'T ACTUALLY SAFELY FIT 3 CAR CHAIRS IN THE REAR AS THEY ARE TOO NARROW & MANY NOW ONLY HAVE A LAP BELT IN THE MIDDLE. HAVING SAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE WITHOUT MY 3 BOYS FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
Posted by: lisa at April 16, 2005 09:29 AMAt 34 you are a young woman, your body is used to being in a state of pregnancy from your 2 previous children. I am 36 and shockingly broodie with 2 girls age 5 and 8 years. I wish i had felt broodie at 34 years as i believe the risks increase after age of 35 years. Speak to your gp re health concerns and waste no time if you decide to have a 3rd. Remember a sons a son until he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter all your life. I love my girls i am sure you would. good luck anne
Posted by: anne at February 27, 2006 09:09 AMI'm 36 and in exaxtly the same poition as you, i have a boy of 17 months, a girl of 11 wks and want to consider having a 3rd soon as i will be 36 in a few months. I aso have had 2 c-sections so am a bit scared but do not want to regret in the future not having the 3rd if i decide not to. I want a boy but know that shouldn't be the reason for getting pregnant again. I want the two i have now to have another sibling so they become close and are good friends. We still haven't decided and am in such a dilemma? Can anyone give more advice???
Posted by: sheila at February 9, 2007 06:31 AMI have 2 boys right now. Ages 5 almost 6 and a 2 1/2 year old. I would love to try one more time for a girl but I'm not sure what to do. I have always wanted a big family. Can anyone give me adive on what they think. Or if you have three kids how it is with three.
Thanks,
Cassandra