In this case, meaning there is no new clot in my lungs. There is evidence of a previous clot - the Doc is assuming this is the one we know about and is confirming this with the radiologist. The pain I'm in is clearly caused by the scar tissue. My body is very run down and falling to bits which may be exaggerating the pain. Have been sent for more tests and things and told to rest and take lots of narcotic painkillers. Easier said than done when one has small people to think about!
Confess to being scared shitless sitting in the waiting room for the CT Scan results today. Convinced myself it was going to show evidence of lung cancer or similarly horrific things. Sat there shaking and trembling waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Noticed the receptionists look at me then look away quickly - this was clearly a 'sign' also.....ugh, dreadful state one gets oneself into really. Thank fuck it is nothing like that after all.
Have to go down tomorrow a.m after fasting for a load of blood work to be done.
Meanwhile I feel very crap, tired, in pain, anxious (bit less anxious) and generally rubbish. Not sure how to deal with it, other than rest and hope to feel better but it's very draining and tiresome. I want to be well. I like where I am, I like the friends I've made, I feel good about life overall and I want to enjoy it and not be ill. In a way I think all the stress I've been under and continue to be under is manifesting itself physically rather than emotionally.... does that make sense? In Canada when I was dealing with the emotional and mental upheaval that comes with emigrating my emotions simply couldn't cope and I ended up feeling incredibly blue about life unable to get myself out of that desperate state of depression. Here it is different in that I do not feel sad, I feel very positive, but my body seems to be telling me otherwise...... it is saying I CANNOT COPE WITH ALL THIS...... which I guess in some ways is preferable to feeling like you can't even leave the house but in others SUCKS because you can't even force yourself to do something if you're just too damn sore / tired/ weak.
Posted by katie at October 21, 2005 03:08 AMWell, that's good news. Hope the vampires also tell you there's nothing wrong with ya!
Posted by: Steve at October 21, 2005 03:54 PM