babyblog

Birthdays (mine, specifically)

When I was a kid I loved the excitement that birthdays brought - being the centre of attention all day, getting excellent presents, surprises, etc.

Growing up, I wasn't able to let go of those childish expectations for my birthday until recently. I still woke up with that nervous excitement in the pit of my stomach, then found myself enormously let down by receiving presents I didn't really want or need, and the day itself continuing like 'normal' rather than being special in some childish way.

30 was the worst birthday. I had moved to Canada a couple of weeks prior and was stuck in a place where I knew nobody, moved from a thriving and busy city where I had tons of friends and a busy social life to a place which seemed like suburban hell and here was me reaching this age that said, somehow, 'you have to grow up now. You can't enjoy yourself anymore, you are a suburban housewife, you must act like one and let go of the life you have known'. Obviously this was all in my head but it was an extremely depressing day... I spent the whole of it in tears.

Since 30 they haven't been all that much better, on one particular one the only person that phoned me to say Happy Birthday was G's mum (bless her) and nobody from my family did...... but I have at last begun to let go of those childish expectations!

Today I turn 35 and it occured to me this morning after unwrapping a lovely Bose Soundock for my iPod (that I had asked for) and a Pedicure at the Spa from Dylan and some flowers from Harry that these were lovely gifts..... but that the only significance of my birthday that mattered now was that I WAS A YEAR OLDER AND THIS IS A BAD THING.

So, sitting here this morning doing very little other than ferry the kids between various activities and feeling a bit blah that the day holds little more in the way of excitement (except that G and I are going out tonight)..... I finally grew up about birthdays, I think... and I'm aware this might read slightly depressingly and it's really not meant to be...... I just realised that instead of looking forward to them I now really need to be dreading them because I seriously do not want to be 35 or any older than that... I am still young!! Down with Birthdays!