G went back to work today after 5 blissful weeks off.
I have been dreading it. Not because I'm nervous of looking after the kids by myself, those I can handle. What I have dreaded is being alone without adult company around me all day.
Any stay-at-home mother will attest to this I'm sure. Being at home with kids is hard mostly because you are surrounded by small people and you lack the company of big people. It's such a treat when you can have adult conversations, and on a normal day these are usually limited to playdates with your little ones and their mothers. It can be a lonely way of life.
And of course your days become the daily grind of routine... get up, play this , do that, have lunch, play this, do that, make dinner, wait for hubby/daddy to get home. One of the most enjoyable things about the last 5 weeks has been the break from that grind, and it had become an awful grind if truth be told with the last few months of pregnancy getting me down, every weekend spent doing DIY by G and childcare by me, and basically having no energy & never spending any time together as a family.
When he went this morning I was quite positive, managing to clear out Dylans closet while wearing Taibtha in a Baby Bjorn, tidy up the kitchen, get dressed (albeit not showered), and then go out for a 3 hour playdate with a friend and her two boys. When I got back though, it hit me that I felt suddenly like I'd never had this break from the grind. I called G and when I got him on the phone I realised I missed him dreadfully, hearing his voice away from me and the kids was horrible.
I also realised that while he was here and I could focus on feeding the baby without having to worry about Harry needing an urgent poo / drink / wee / etc or if the baby were giving me a hard time that I could pass her over to someone to get a few minutes break, that doing it on my own is infinitely more tiring - especially after having had very little sleep. I feel very tired indeed, and I feel like I'm already forgetting what it was like the last 5 weeks, and that I'm back where I started.... exhausted and counting down the minutes until he gets home.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Posted by katie at August 6, 2007 08:34 PM