I vividly remember the feeling, as a child, when there was school work to be done. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to get away without having to do it. Something in my brain wouldn't want to focus on what needed to be done and would work out how I could avoid it. In hindsight I'd often feel pressured because of the avoidance, probably more pressure than would have been created by actually doing the work. Seeing deadline coming up and not having done things I was supposed to have done was very stressful.
Sadly, I am seeing these traits in Dylan now and I just don't know what to do. When we were kids our parents weren't particularly interested in the daily details of what was going on at school or sitting down with us to do our homework or any of that stuff which is far more usual today. It was usually limited to asking if I had homework (and a lie would suffice to manage to avoid it), or shouting when found out for not having done something. This was normal..... parents just didn't get that involved.
Today parents are expected to be hands on with their kids schooling and very involved in the daily workload. We sit Dylan down at the dining table every night and he does his homework infront of us. We answer questions if he needs help, we discuss where he might be going wrong if needed, we explain things to him if he's stuck, and we sign off every night that he's done it before school the following morning. This involvement is expected to continue - and our knowledge of exactly what homework he has in his bag will continue.
This morning I discovered a letter in his bag which was 2 weeks late coming home thanks to him leaving his weekly newsletter paperwork at school. It discussed the book report that he's supposed to have completed by the end of the week. including having read a book, taken a test on that book, designed a made a cover for the book and prepared both a written and oral report about the book. The letter said that parents should be helping him at home with this project but that the majority would be done in class. When I queried this with him he clammed up, squirmed, tried to avoid discussing, and basically drove me insane with anger until I finally got from him that he had done nothing towards this. What the fuck is he doing while everyone else is working on it in class? He can't answer this (or won't). Why hadn't he told us about it? Why aren't we working on it? He can't or won't answer this either.
I find myself shouting and shouting. At one point he goes to the bathroom saying he's going to throw up. I feel bad, then 5 mins later discover him in there reading a book. I am angrier again. I just do not know what is going on in this boys head sometimes...... and while shouting at him I realise I used to stand in his shoes while my dad shouted at me for these same kinds of things and I just don't know what to do. Clearly that approach didn't work on me, how do I get Dylan to care about what's going on at school? I have a nasty suspicion that I can't, and that this is going to be the way of the future. There must be an answer.
In the meantime I have emailed his teacher and asked how it is possible that others in the class have been working on this project during class and he hasn't.
UPDATE EMAIL FROM TEACHER
Dylan is not behind if he has read books that he can use for the report. I am a little behind in introducing the report. I was gone Wed. – Friday of last week. We will be working on the reports this week and next. The only people that are behind are the ones that have not read a book and taken a test this year.
Thanks,
John
FUCKS SAKE. Now I feel awful for yelling at Dylan.
Posted by katie at October 22, 2007 11:51 AM