June 26, 2008
Tabitha - 1 Year Old
Tabitha Lily Jones, this year has been a completely whirlwind. I feel as though my feet have barely touched the floor since you were born & that there really hasn't been a moment to sit back & reflect on the impact you've had into our lives. Today I am going to do that before these all too brief moments become nothing but a distant memory.
One year ago today you were born. When I found out halfway through my pregnancy that I was going to have a little girl, I was so overwhelmed. So terrified, so scared, so excited. I knew boys, I didn't know girls. I didn't know how to have a girl. On the day you were born, when I heard that first wonderful and somehow so female cry, I fell instantly in love with my gorgeous little daughter. One year ago today I was the mother of a little girl for the first time in my life and what a fantastic little girl you are, and how blessed I am to have you.
This year has been a roller coaster of worries and concerns about your health & I think that's why I feel that I've not caught my breath yet. You are trying to put me into an early grave from worry young lady! Those aside though, watching you grow over the last year has been phenomenal. You've changed so quickly - it's like I've blinked and suddenly you're a year old.
When you were 2 months old your daddy asked me when you were going to become easier like the boys did, and I remember saying to him - maybe she won't, maybe this is her. She's not like them, she has different needs, she's not going to be content in those basic ways - she wants more from us. And I was right - you do want more, you want more emotional support, you want to feel safe and loved and secure, you want to be close and you want us to provide those things - something we are happy to do!
From almost day one you've been so focussed and concerned with what is going on around you. People commented very often that they couldn't quite believe how much you were taking in even at 2 months old. You're always very aware of your surroundings. You haven't been content to be left alone, you want to be held or with someone at all times and you love nothing more than to people watch. You're not shy, you enjoy people, you're very sociable, you love nothing more than to be surrounded by them. When your brothers were small they were content to sit & play, not so you - you want interaction and stimulation!
Physically you've been like your brothers were - quite slow to move, but verbally you are further along. You're already repeating various words, you can say "Daddy" "Glasses" "Teletubbies" (my bad), "Dipsy" (again, my bad), "Ohhhhhh" (in a very amazed voice), "Did" (Dylan), "Hiya", and "Yaya" (Harry) and "Doy Doy Doy" (boys)!
You have a beautiful winning smile which you're quite reserved with and only bestow upon special people for special occasions. You have a dirty belly laugh which makes us all fall apart when you use it. You have a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes which you wear with style. You are still a little folically challenged which I wish would change soon, I am desperate to make use of bows and other hair accessories for you! I think you'll be blessed with your dad's hair rather than mine which is lucky for you. I am extremely nervous about learning how to do girl hairstyles.
This week I was at the toy shop ahead of your birthday looking around in the 'pink' section and felt like a fish out of water. It is all new and different, this girl stuff. Everything is princesses, fairies, pink pink pink. Daunting. Not being a 'girly girl' myself I worry that I won't know how to encourage you to be girly like your peers almost certainly will be, but then I my conscience pipes up that I shouldn't teach you that a handsome prince will come and rescue you from your miserable life, and instead encourage you to be strong, educated & independent. I hope that all this stuff comes naturally as we grow together!.
It's so hard to put into words how I feel about having a daughter. I feel very humble and proud and I identify with you in a way that I cannot with the boys. I know you. You're not a mysterious male brain. We are fundamentally alike. I find myself thinking how your emotions might work in response to various things as you grow older, what you will experience as a teenager, as a young adult, and how you'll feel along the way. It's an amazing astonishing bond and I really hope with all my heart that we will share it and nurture it and have a relationship that we will be proud of.
I love you baby girl. Here's to the future.
Mama xxxxxxxxx
Posted by katie at June 26, 2008 11:21 PM