babyblog

bleurghh

G and I have both now come down with D's cold and are feeling completely wretched. D, of course, is entirely unsympathetic and is spending the afternoon fighting with the dog and driving us both mad.

Went to the mall this morning and had a sneaky look in Pottery Barn Kids (my favourite store for all things nursery related!). Gravitated towards the girly side of the store to look at pink things - not sure if this is because I'm now secretly OK with the idea of having a girl, or just because it's not something we've ever done before usually being entrenched in boyland.

Saw the most gorgeous bassinet which I am definitely going to buy for this baby! I'm not overly keen on Pottery Barn furniture as a rule, I loathe the 'adult' store, but the kids one is really nice & this bed is an exception, another selling point for me being that the stand is very sturdy which I think may be important if the dog attempts to stand up against it to see what's in there!

sniff

The last couple of days have been exhausting. D has been at home with a cold and G has been off either working late or snowboarding, and having to cope alone when you're pregnant and have a sick child is not a lot of fun. Yesterday I actually thought D was coming down with Chicken Pox as he woke up with some red spots on his face, but no more appeared during the course of the day so I think it was probably just a heat rash or similar. He's back at school today for the first time this week, and wouldn't you know - I have now woken up feeling rotten with a stuffed up nose.

Yesterday I ventured for the first time on to the Treadmill. A friend asked me why I don't just walk outside. Well, it's about minus 25 out there and walking in those temperatures is not pleasant! And of course aside from the couple of weeks of Spring we get, it'll be too hot the rest of the time :-) But anyway, I was pleased to do a little exercise. I haven't until now because of the early bleeding and wanting to allow the 'danger' period to pass, but now that it is I intend to walk briskly at least 30 mins every day. Not only will it reduce my blood sugar, but it will increase circulation in my legs and hopefully reduce the risk of any DVT's.

momentary panic

I had a [more] neurotic [than usual] moment yesterday. The High Risk Clinic called and said 'The Obstetrician would like to move your appointment next week forward to 9.15am (from 9.30am)'..... 'no problem', I said, and hung up. The second I put the phone down I started to worry.

When they sent me for the IPS scan and blood test they told me that if there was an obvious problem they'd call me in sooner. My mind started working overtime. Obviously they had found a problem and were calling me in sooner - so that I had a longer appointment time to recover from the shock of bad news. Of course in a sane world, the appointment would be days sooner, not 15 mins sooner, but I worried anyway, and finally decided to call them back and so what if I appeared stupid.

I called back. "err, hi, I just wanted to call back and check why you moved my appointment forward as I had a bit of a panic attack and thought it was because of something sinister'. 'No No dear!! I'm so sorry to have worried you, we simply have too many bookings next week and we're moving people's appointments around so that we can fit everyone in!".

PHEW.

In other news, I definitely felt the baby kick last night. I sat down on the couch and felt what could only be the baby. It was lovely. 'Ohhh! Baby!' I cried. G looked at me with a puzzled expression, 'what?'. 'Not you, spaz, the baby just kicked'.

Scan pic from yesterday

It's not as clear as the 'live' image was, but still pretty good, I think!

13 Weeks

13 weeks now. Next week I'm counting from Mondays instead of Wednesdays - seeing as my original due date was slightly wrong.

I still can't get over that scan yesterday. When I was having D it was unknown territory. Seeing him on the scan was thrilling, yet somehow unreal, impossible to connect with the reality that this was, infact, a little person inside me. This feeling really carried through the entire 9 months until I actually saw him for the first time and was literally bowled over by a flood of emotion - love, pride, responsibility, adoration and a million other things...and I had honestly never before, or since, experienced such a massive wonderful overwhelming tide of emotion.

Yesterday when I saw this tiny baby lying there, kicking it's legs and stretching it's arms..... turning it's head towards me and putting it's fingers in it's mouth..... I was able to connect this image with the reality that this is, infact, a little person in there and I was and continue to be quite overwhelmed with love for the little one already. He or she is real.

I guess that's the difference between 1st and 2nd babies... the first time it's all about the unknown. This time it's easier to identify with what's going on, the reality of it. I like it. I hope that the big tide of emotion happens again when it is born!

Scan!

I had the IPS (Integrated Prenatal Screen) this morning. First, an Ultrasound. She did all the measurements that she needed to do and then called in G and D to take a look. D was a bit scared to come in, he had it in his head that it would be a scary machine I think. But we got him in there in the end, and the baby was an absolute delight to see. It was the clearest image I've personally ever seen on an ultrasound, the baby was lying there kicking, stretching, putting it's hand in it's mouth, turning it's head, just fantastic to see!! They gave us a few print-out photo's which I'll scan in at some point.

I then had to go onto the lab to get the blood work taken. Because I also had a requisition to get my 'regular' blood work done for pregnancy too, I ended up having 8 test tubes full of blood taken from my arm which was not entirely pleasant. They also wanted a wee sample, and handed me the most ridiculous tiny, thin, test tube to pee into. I hate doing wee samples, I'm really bad at them, it's just so icky and messy - I'm a girl, aiming is difficult!

I have to go back there in 3 weeks time for the follow up blood tests, which should be interesting as I'll be anti-coagulated at that point so it'll be blood-central.

I've worked out I'm actually at that hospital for the next 4 weeks on the trot. Next week is a High Risk Clinic appointment. The week after is the Haemataologist, more blood work, and getting started on the Fragmen, and the week after that will be High Risk again + this follow up blood work. Hopefully the weather will have improved as we had a huge snow storm last night which dumped around 25cm on the ground and the roads were pretty slushy and slow going. In this weather it takes me around an hour to get down there and get parked. I imagine I'll be sick of the journey before long, but will try to keep in mind that it's better to be looked after carefully than not.

movement?

I've been wondering, the last few days, if I can feel the baby moving already.

When I was pregnant with Dylan I didn't feel him moving until very late on, 20Something weeks. Well, I did, but I didn't know what it was. It wasn't until a leg or an arm came banging on the wall of my stomach very obviously that I realised it was, infact, him.

Early movement of the baby feels exactly like gas rumbling around inside your tummy. You know when you've eaten alot and you start to feel a few murmurings deep inside your upper intestinal area.......it's just like that.

They say with the 2nd baby you can feel it much earlier on, in part because you know what to look out for. Well I am not 100% sure, but it's definitely either the baby or wind!

Tomorrow I have this IPS scan, which I'm looking forward to -- looking forward to seeing the baby again.

Up & Down

My blood sugar has been up & down a bit the last couple of days. Well, mostly down. I've become adept at recognising the signs now, so if I start to feel a bit weird I test myself. Both times it's happened I've been right and the results have been in the 3's, and I've had a glass of Orange Juice to bring it back up to normal and consequently feel a lot better.

I'm supposed to gain half a pound to a pound per week now, but infact I've actually lost a bit of weight. I guess that's not surprising given that I have drastically cut down (given up) on the amount of crap I usually eat. Ah well, if I don't end up looking like an elephant this time, that won't be a bad thing at all.

I'm also wondering if I'll get stretch marks this time. My skin was totally buggered by them last time, but I figure maybe once it's been stretched to the extreme it can't stretch too much more, right? Especially if I don't gain as much weight. Here's hoping. Meanwhile I lather myself all over in anti-stretchmark-cream and similar in the hope that I won't end up looking like a London A-Z.

ZzzZZzzzzZZZZZ

Sleep was interrupted last night by Dylan being sick right beside me in my bed (where he'd appeared unnoticed at some point during the night). Lovely. I then had to get up early to see the bank manager, and consequently fell asleep on the couch this afternoon for 2 hours. I'll never sleep tonight now.

*Freezing*

I'm getting a little (ok, alot) fed up of temperatures of minus 25 and below. I like the snow, it's pretty when it snows, but these endless days of it being absolutely bloody freezing are no fun at all. I've taken to driving D down to the end of the road to catch the school bus simply because it's too cold to walk.

This morning I noticed a clear sign that my pregnancy addled brain is beginning to turn to soup... I got into the car to drive home - on the right hand side. Feeling rather foolish I slunk out and walked around to get in to the left. You'd think after almost 3 years of living here, I'd have figured that one out by now!

Last night I went out for a 'girls night out' with some friends and had alot of fun chatting and eating good food. They are going to throw me a 'Baby Shower' at some point, which is very cool indeed. A total novice to the whole concept of showers (the wedding / baby kind, not the water kind) I've neither had one, nor attended one and have no idea what goes on. These girls are professionals at them though - they've been to millions and know exactly what needs to happen.

Apparently there's all kinds of weird etiquette which goes with these shower things..... for example if you are invited to a wedding shower, that means you have to buy a gift - usually from the couple's bridal registry. Gifts are given at showers - then you have to give money at the actual wedding! Couples seem to do extremely well out of these things! Another etiquette thing - if you can't attend, you also have to buy a gift. Because you received the invite. So people invite absolutely everyone they've ever known, even if those people live overseas, just for the purposes of gift-getting! With a baby shower it's not unheard of for women to register somewhere and request things like strollers, cribs, and all manner of extremely expensive baby gadgetry.

By rights I'm not supposed to have a Baby shower. You're only supposed to have one for your first child. But seeing as I've never experienced the wedding shower / baby shower thing, my friends have decided that as this baby will be the first born in Canada we should observe tradition and I will be having a Baby Shower... with a slight difference in that we will be inviting men and there will be booze available (of course!). British people expect your invites in the post, and details of where to buy me lots of expensive presents despite not being able to attend - haha!

My first appointment

Today was the first 'proper' appointment at the High Risk Clinic at the hospital. Starting at 9.30am the first thing I went through was 'Registration' which involved doing a ton of paperwork with a very nice Nurse. We had a big chat about my experience of birth in London (bad) and my hopes for here.

One of the first things she asked me was whether I'd considered Genetic Screening (checks for Downs Syndrome and similar) tests for the baby. Well I had, with great treipdation. When we were in London we were lucky to have a 'Nuchal' scan which involved an Ultrasound at around 12 weeks which looked for issues in the babies spinal cord and predicted the likelihood of a neural tube defect (very low, in our case). People not so lucky as to have this test available to them were offered the AFP Blood Screening test, a blood test which makes similar calculations based on the amounts of various proteins in the mothers blood. I know *alot* of people who've had false-positive results with this blood test including my sister in law, which then left them with 2 or 3 weeks of sheer terror while they had to go through the frightening process of an Amniocentesis and wait for the results to confirm whether the tests were accurate. Needless to say, none of them were.

I expressed my concerns to the Nurse and she explained that they have a new test here which combines both the scan and some blood-work to predict the possibility. Instead of an 8% chance of being wrong, it goes down to 2%. So I decided to go for it - my scan will be next week on Tuesday.

She also booked me in for my 18 week scan which'll be on March 10th. They even offer a VHS Tape of the Ultrasound if you want one - how cool is that! And finally some blood work, and a tour of the Labour & Delivery ward much further into the pregnancy.

Oh - and she told me that as I had D 5 yrs ago they wouldn't rule out an induction as it's been long enough that I'm unlikely to burst! She also told me that they'll induce me at a 'maximum' of 38 weeks, possibly sooner, due to the diabetes and the Protein S Deficiency.

After all the various bits of paperwork were filled out I was then taken to see another Nurse who checked my weight and my blood pressure, and asked for a wee sample.

Following this was a visit with the Endocrinologist (Diet Doc). Very nice guy who had done a residence in London and knew it well. Also knew alot about Protein S Deficiency which was very reassuring (not many people know about it). We had a good chat about it. He checked some more vitals and I was on my way.

Next stop - the Dietician. We went through my blood sugar results and my diet sheet and she was reasonably happy with them. She said that in the case of it dropping below 4, she's not overly worried but I could have a drink of Orange Juice to bring it back up. I asked her too what to do when I get that irresitable pang of hunger when I'm not 'supposed' to eat. EAT! she said. Cool.

Finally I was given appointments to return in 2 weeks time to see them again + the OB who I didn't end up with time to see today and sent to the Lab to do some blood work. They wanted to take some out of my arm and check my blood sugar, and then have me test it with my little machine, and compare the two results to make sure my machine is working properly. That done, I was finally able to come home. A long old day!

12 weeks

Hurrah! The 12 week milestone. The time when you can supposedly 'relax' a little and stop worrying about miscarriage. Except, of course, I can't. But the theory is there!

It's hard (impossible) to believe it's only been 12 weeks. That sounds like no time at all doesn't it? But it feels like a lifetime. Pregnancy completely takes over your life and it's impossible to think of much else. It affects everything; what you can eat, how you can sleep, how much energy you have, your mood, your body, everything. I'm trying hard not to be a baby-bore when I speak with my friends but that's also hard, not to talk about it incessantly, because it's such a big thing in my life right now. It's important, though, to focus on other things and I'm trying to do so as much as possible. Just to keep my brain from imploding!

Need. More. Sleep.

Talking with my sis about passports - apparently if you get a new British passport after October you need to apply for a Visa to enter the USA which costs 67 quid and requires a trip to the consulate to get it, plus be fingerprinted on the way in. Dylan's passport expires soon so I have no idea how we're supposed to renew that and get the necessary documentation. The baby of course will have no problems being Canadian (!).

need more clothes

Have to buy more maternity clothes today. I only have 2 pairs of trousers/jeans and I managed to ruin one pair yesterday by bleaching the floor in them, standing on the too-long leg cuffs, and bleaching out all the colour in that area. Annoying.

We had friends over for dinner last night and it was a fairly busy day with all the tidying, cleaning, cooking, eating, conversation, and I didn't get any chance to rest or sit down until bed time at midnight. Consequently I slept in this morning until eleven.

sugar low's

Being new to the whole diabetes thing - can anyone tell me what is considered 'low' blood sugar" Yesterday, despite eating properly as advised, shortly before dinner I began to feel quite crappy....a bit dizzy, a bit headachey, a bit sleepy, nothing very specific but just not quite right. I have to test my sugar before dinner, and it was 3.1. After I forced myself to eat, I lay down for a bit and within a short period of time felt a whole lot better. Tested again and it was up to 5.8. Do you think the wobbly feeling came from slightly too low blood sugar?

Wake Up!

So much for not feeling so tired. Yesterday I slept half the morning, half the evening, all night, had a lie-in this morning, and I still feel exhausted.

We're supposed to be going out tonight, tomorrow we have friends over for dinner, the house needs a major tidy-up in preparation for that, and I have no idea where I'm going to get the energy from to do all of these things.

Eating healthily is going rather well. I'm not going hungry and I feel better in myself for eating well. No guilt for having consumed tons of chocolate is a good thing!

One of the 'fears' I have at the moment is that the baby will have some kind of problem, like Autism, when born. I know this is an absurd fear to have at this stage but the reason for my fear is not absurd. In the UK I knew nobody with children who had this kind of disability. Here, on my street alone, 3 or 4 babies were born autistic in the last few years. And a little boy across the road the same age as Dylan has ADHD, learning disabilities, and possibly Tourettes Syndrome. Scary stuff. I understand that these things can occur in 'clusters', so I'm quite terrified that there's something here in the air, in the food, in the water, causing this.

a paranoid kind of day

I have days, like today, when I wake up and don't 'feel' as pregnant as I think I ought to. My boobs less sore, not tired, not needing to wee so much, etc. I suppose (hope) it's paranoia? When I had a miscarriage 3 years ago I wasn't paying any attention to things, and only after the event did I realise that I'd actually stopped feeling pregnant several days earlier. So this time I'm obsessive about checking myself every 5 minutes to make sure it all seems to be present and correct. Which is not particularly good for me to say the least, it's very draining!

Do not wash your car when it's minus 36 outside

I learned the above lesson tonight.

I went through a car wash because my car was so dirty with salt and stuff that every time I got in my clothes were getting filthy..... anyways, as a result of said car wash the doors all froze shut, the lock on my door froze so that I couldn't even get the key in, and for some reason later on same evening a thick layer of ice formed on the *inside* of the windscreen making it very difficult (!) to drive.

got to love canadian winters!

headache

I have a sugar 'come down' headache. 2 days and no sign of abating. And of course I can't take any of the lovely strong narcotic medication I have in the cupboard - only Tylenol (Paracetamol) - which barely says hello to the pain let alone banish it from my head. When I was pregnant with Dylan I had headaches constantly throughout the 2nd Trimester of pregnancy and I seriously hope that this will not be a repeat performance.

My blood sugar seems to be OK after 2 days of testing. For some reason it was quite different this morning 1 hour after breakfast than it was yesterday (despite eating exactly the same) but it was still within range. Also, for some reason, it shows up as too high every day when I test before supper. All the other tests are within the required range. I don't quite understand why as I've been eating only what I'm supposed to eat, but I guess they'll figure that out when I go for my next appointment.

On the baby front, 11 weeks today. I am beginning to feel, physically, like I'm moving towards the 2nd Trimester in that I'm not quite so tired, my skin is not quite so bad, I'm generally alot calmer and more 'serene' I suppose, and my stomach is definitely protruding with baby and not just fat!

D is being very cute about the whole baby thing. We're trying not to discuss it too much in front of him so that he doesn't feel threatened in any way. He does know that the baby is coming though, and he does talk about it now and again. Yesterday he asked me if he would have to give up his teddies (2 of which he currently won't go anywhere without) to the baby, and I reassured him that no, he didn't have to give away any of this things. Then he asked me if he could decorate the babies bedroom, pink if it's a girl and 'the same colour as my room' if it's a boy. So cute. He really is lovely right now, growing up into such a great boy. This morning he was following his dad around like a puppy helping him get ready for work - he absolutely idolises him. I was wondering how much longer we'll have that unrequited love from him before he deems us far too stupid / embarassing / annoying to bother with.

ouch

My fingers are already beginning to feel like a pin cushion and I've only been doing this blood testing thing for 24 hours. I'm concerned about what will happen once I start the Heparin shots, as if memory serves me correctly each time I prick my finger it will bleed copiously for quite some time. 4 of those per day + the actual Heparin shot and I'm likely to bleed 24 x 7.

So, I have Gestational Diabetes

The 2 and a half hour long session at the hospital's 'Diabetes Education Centre' today was very interesting in parts, dull in others, and also slightly overwhelming.

Apparently if you've had GD once, there's a 99.9% probability that you get it again. In otherwords, I - along with 6 others in the class - have it. Although as I said a few days ago, I still have that thing where I don't quite believe (despite all the evidence!) I had it last time seeing as they totally failed to diagnose it in time for D's birth. But I need to realise that I do have it.

Anyway, the first session was the most interesting. The nurse told us about Gestational Diabetes and what it was, etc. Of the 7 of us in the room, 50% will need insulin during the pregnancy. Funnily enough the day you give birth it all goes away, however severe. She handed out bags which contained rather expensive digital blood sugar monitors which are ours to keep. She then told us how to use them and we had to do a test on ourselves.

The second session was the tedious one - a dietician came in and handed out lots of paperwork which had allowed foods / not allowed foods, meal planners, etc on. Basically common sense stuff plus I knew most of it anyway. It dragged on a little as she insisted on going through every single piece of paper and also a few people asked alot of inane questions, but I suppose it had to be done.

Finally the nurse came back and handed out prescriptions for more needles and test strips, & appointments at the High Risk Pregnancy clinic and informed us that we'll be seen there every 2 weeks throughout pregnancy where we will consult with both an Obstetrician and an Endocrinologist (diabetes doc). Later in the pregnancy we'll be seen every week.

Amazing level of care, really. I'm quite overwhelmed by it all. Given all the problems I had with Dylan, I think this time it is better safe than sorry and if I can avoid having another huge baby, too much fluid, blood clots, and goodness knows what else, the better.

For you diabetics out there - I have to check my blood sugar 4 times per day, before breakfast, 1 hour after breakfast, before supper, and 1 hour after supper.

The range has to be as follows:

Before Breakfast: 5.5 or less
1 hr after: 7.0 or less
Before Supper: 5.5 or less
1 hr after: 7.0 or less

Oh, and I have to test my wee every morning for Ketones.

I just did my first test at home, prior to supper, and my level was 6.3 -eek! If it is too high more than 3 times I have to call the hospital. Bloody do NOT want to end up having to have Insulin, I am having enough needles as it is!!!

monday monday

I've woken up in a bit of a mood today. I slept OK but I was wracked with various unpleasant dreams so I imagine that's what's made me awaken feeling rather cross with the world.

Things are oddly quiet on the electronic front today. Very little email, no major UKChat catastrophe's looming on the horizon (touch wood), and not alot of anything else either. There's little in the way of news, the most interesting thing I've read so far is that there's a new link between underarm deoderant and breast cancer - lovely, so we all now have to walk around being stinky!

G's mum called us this morning - she was due to go into hospital for an operation on her back but it got cancelled due to a lack of beds available in the hospital. It'll now be sometime within the next 28 days. Can you imagine?. She waited long enough for the appointment and was ready and prepared to go in, and now has to potentially suffer for another month before she'll be fixed. I don't know if this kind of thing happens in Canada. I imagine it probably does. It is similar to the UK in that health care is provided by the state, but there is a 1 tier system only - there is no private option so you cannot bypass the system. It's a mixed blessing really. Obviously overall it's a much better idea as those who cannot afford insurance do not get penalised or treated any differently, but from a purely selfish perspective it was nice, in England, to be able to get referrals to very distinguished gentlemen Doctors in Harley Street and be seen the next day. We do have insurance of a sort here, but it covers things like chiropractic, dental, massage, and perhaps 2 to a room instead of 4 if I go into hospital ever. Not much, basically!

To be fair though, the health system *seems* to work much better here. Prescriptions - there is no state/standard charge. You pay the cost of the drug. You can have a drug plan, which we have through G's work, and that covers 90% of the cost which is wonderful, I never have to pay more than $10 for anything. Without one it would be bloody expensive. Having one, means the Doc will prescribe nice expensive drugs which are more effective than the cheap crap I used to get on the NHS back home.

If I want to see my Dr, I make an appointment and I'm there. I never have to wait longer than 10 minutes to be seen. If I need any kind of scan / x-ray or similar I'm sent downstairs to the place they do that -- no hanging around in hospitals for hours on end. I was given a referral to a neurologist a while ago for migraines and I go to her office which is in a regular medical office building and not a hospital, and the same lack of waiting applies. No wait period for an appointment. And now that I'm officially a patient I can call up and make appointments as & when I want them.

My experience of hospitals here is thankfully, so far, limited - although that is going to change over the next 6 months or so. I had cause to go to the ER in the local Hospital a year or so ago with a pain in my side which felt like it could be appendicitis. Not the best experience. There was a 7 hour waiting period, and the waiting room was covered in vomit which nobody cleared up during the 45 mins I stuck it out before going home in disgust deciding to call an ambulance if it got worse rather than sit there & catch goodness knows what!. Thankfully the hospital I am now going to for this pregnancy is a big swish and far more pleasant place - I refused to have this baby in the local one!

day out - now tired

Had a rather nice day out today. We took a drive out west an hour or so to visit this amazing pottery store. All of the stuff is handmade on site. It's all gorgeous stoneware and I already have a coffee pot from there which I love. Saw some beautiful pieces which I've earmarked for purchase at some point! Drove back via the English sweet shop (for G not me!) in Oakville, and by the time I got back home I was absolutely worn out despite doing very little other than sitting in the car!

I've also been reading in some detail today the Protein S Deficiency site as they've a specific forum related to pregnancy. It's scary stuff but I need to have as much information as possible. I think this is the one thing I need to be allowed to read! Ignorance is the reason I ended up with the PE last time. At 38 wks pregnant I complained of a very bad hard lump in my calf muscle to my midwife, who dismissed it as cramp without looking at it (DVT, duh). Shortly after Dylan was born I asked the midwife if it was 'normal to not be able to breathe very well when I get out of bed?" (i.e. gasping for breath) and was told 'sure, your lungs are just a bit squished after having a baby pressing on them'. (Start of PE, duh). Had I, (or they!!!!) been more clued up about this stuff I perhaps would have avoided the PE happening or becoming any worse. Obviously nobody knew then that I had Protein S Deficiency, but those are standard symptoms of DVT/PE which any fool even vaguely connected to the medical profession should have recognised, so I'm not going to risk ignorance again and want to know as much as possible by way of things to look out for or to be concerned about.

spice, spice, and all things nice

Mad curry craving alert. Last night I sent G for the food I mentioned before, and tonight I had a cannot-resist craving for the same and sent him again. At least it's fairly healthy - mixed vegetables, chicken & rice. I think overall the food here is so bland in comparison to the UK, (hot sauce on wings does not count) that my pregnant tastebuds must have gone into overdrive and want what they've been missing.

I've also got a burning desire for the dry fried shredded beef in chilli that we used to order from the Chinese in Clapham, not to mention Crispy Aromatic Duck with pancakes and that delicious rich purple plum sauce, but I'm out of luck if I think Im getting that in Brampton, Ontario. Chinese food here is *insipid*. They even look at you with some amazement if you ask for chopsticks to eat with. I'm lucky we found an Indian take-away owned by a Brit that does half decent curry, prior attempts at finding a good chicken tikka masala resulted in some horrific bland gravy-like concoctions . I think I may drag G into Chinatown in Toronto on the hunt for some decent Szechuan or Peking cuisene at some point soon.

Surprisingly enough we did find a really good Thai restaurant here in Brampton which does marvellous Pad Thai, and blow-your-tastebuds-off Thai Green Curry which are delicious so I guess that might be on the menu soon if my cravings for spice continue.

paranoid moment

Just had one of those paranoid moments thinking that my 'signs' of pregnancy had disappeared but I'm sure it's all in my mind!

I had a busy middle-of-the-week which left me feeling quite exhausted by yesterday. I spent most of the day relaxing on the sofa reading a book and doing laundry when the mood took me to actually get off my bum. Last night I managed to sleep very well too and G allowed me to lie-in (as he often does these days, bless him!) until I woke at 10.30am.

The diabetes clinic wants me to keep a log of everything I eat and drink for the next 4 days, which I've been doing. Last night though, I had a headache which felt like it was due to not having had any sugar during the day, so I had a bar of chocolate (an imported British 'double decker'!) which seemed to help (when eaten with 2 paracetamol) but now I feel bad because they're bound to tell me off for it when they see it on my log. And I suppose I secretly know I didn't need to eat it at all - but what's a girl to do, pregnant + cravings for chocolate = no choice!

craving....

chicken tikka
pilau rice
nan bread
mixed vegetable curry on the side

will send G to indian take-away later, roll on dinner time!!

Cold

I'm trying to stay inside as much as possible given that it is minus 30 outside! G walked D to the bus stop earlier and said his nose hair froze in the 10 mins he was out there... lovely! On a more serious note research shows that anyone prone to blood clotting is at increased risk by spending time outside in severe cold temperatures. It's why old people sometimes die of embolisms after going to a funeral, because they have been standing out in the cold. Given my history and current situation, I think it's wise to avoid it as much as possible.

Yesterday I had a phone call from the Diabetes clinic at the hospital which was a little weird. The woman introduced herself and said she'd had a referral for me. "Have you?" I said, "I wasn't aware of it!". Turns out that I'm automatically enrolled into this clinic due to my previous encounter with Gestational Diabetes. Apparently this first session is a 2 and a half hour long class to learn about Diabetes management. I have mixed feelings about it - on the one hand I think it's obviously better safe than sorry this time...... unmanaged GD (like last time) can lead to (and did) the baby having problems with blood sugars crashing soon after birth and breathing difficulties as a result.... I'm sure there are other issues but that is the main concern.

The thing I'm trying to come to terms with, I suppose, is that last time my GD wasn't diagnosed until the day Dylan was born. So in some ways it wasn't 'real' if that makes any sense at all. I didn't have time to accept that I had it, I didn't have to manage it, and there's part of me that is in denial about having had it and doesn't want to admit that it will probably happen again. This time I will have to change my diet and monitor my blood sugar which I selfishly (although I know I have no choice) don't like the idea of. I'm really bad at being denied any kind of food, as soon as I can't have it I cannot think about anything else. It becomes a total obsession and compulsion & I can't imagine having to go without anything sugary for the next 6 months. The other concern I have is that when I am being anti-coagulated my blood will be super thin. Even a small paper cut will bleed for 48 hours. So if I have to do the finger-pricking thing, chances are I'll be constantly bleeding and buying shares in Band Aid.

10 weeks

I forgot to say yesterday that I am now 10 weeks pregnant. It's not alot, I know, but after the scare earlier on it feels like I've come a long way.

Sleep is already becoming an issue. I'm shattered all day long, then I seem to wake up in the evening and it's usually gone 1am before I can get to sleep. Then of course come 7.30am when I have to wake up, I'm totally unready to do so. I'm also in the process of adjusting to not being able to sleep on my stomach which doesn't help.

I just got back from taking a friend to the airport and stopped on the way home for an extremely unhealthy breakfast of a McDonalds Egg McMuffin sandwich & hash browns. Yum. I must find the energy to go to the supermarket this afternoon to buy fruits and vegetables.

High Risk Clinic

I just called the High Risk Clinic at the hospital and asked them about how I will be looked after - i.e. once referred to them will they look after me for the whole pregnancy or do I need to see my family doctor for basic tests. They told me that they will do the whole thing. I'm glad I know that, one less thing to worry about!

I'm really excited about this pregnancy. I feel really good about being pregnant, I'm *really* looking forward to the end result, and I'm desperately hoping that all goes well - it feels so right.

haematologist

So, I saw the haematologist. It's a little unnerving, going to see a haematologist here. For some reason they combine with Oncology (Cancer) so I have to go to the Oncology Clinic at the hospital along with alot of very sick people.

Anyway, I saw a different Consultant this time, but also very nice and seemed very knowledgeable. He is starting me on the Heparin shots (anti-coagulants) on February 10th. He's also referred me to the 'High Risk Pregnancy' clinic and I now have to wait for an appointment from them.

He confirmed they will induce early, this is because they don't want me going into spontaneous labour while I'm full of Heparin. Heparin is fast acting and short lasting, so they only have to stop it the day before I'm induced for it to have cleared my system. Because Heparin makes your blood like water it's dangerous to bleed while you're on it - even a small paper cut can bleed for 2 days solid. Of course for this reason they don't want you going into labour before they stop it, so they induce early to prevent this. If I were still on Heparin it would be dangerous, I could bleed out.

Anyway, I don't know a great deal more than I knew earlier today, except that I now have a referral to the High Risk Clinic, and I know that I'll be starting the shots in Feb (walking bruise, here I come). Meantime I think I will make an appointment with my family doctor and request a pre-natal checkup, just to put my mind at rest.

looking like crap

Why is it I can't 'bloom' and 'glow' when I'm pregnant? Much as I did with Dylan, I look like complete crap. My skin is dreadful. Really dreadful. I look as if I have a face full of teenage acne. And my hair seems to have been invaded by the frizz monster.

Yesterday I went down to the bookshop for something to read, and picked up another copy of 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' as G threw the last one away convinced it was full of scare stories that made me paranoid. I promised him I would not look at the negative stuff. Of course, as he left me in the car for 10 mins while he then went into another shop, that's exactly what I did. It's true, I can go from having a minor concern which should probably be ignored - to reading the book - to being convinced I have all kinds of dreadful diseases or pregnancy problems, and my baby is going to be born with 5 heads.

I was also horrified to see a book on pregnancy for the over 30's. Am I really that old to be having a baby??????

I must also apologise if any of these entries are similar in content. Unfortunately I'm reaching the point of pregnancy where my already terrible memory is now even worse, and I have absolutely no idea what I've already written about.

doctors appointment tomorrow- *finally*

I finally go to see the Haematologist tomorrow, and not too soon. I need to get to see an OB before long. I'm 10 weeks nearly now, and I haven't had my first pre-natal visit yet, and it's beginning to make me anxious! Hopefully the time between him referring me to someone and my actually being seen will not be too lengthy.

I read today that they don't really recommend inducing a natural birth if you've had a previous c-section. Apparently the stress on the scar tissue can be too great as induced contractions are tougher on the body. I hope this doesn't rule out a natural birth for me, I really would rather avoid another c-section. Probably it'll come down to weighing up the risks i.e. risk of rupture vs risk of blood clot.

tired

Been tired the last couple of days. Got myself into an unfortunate sleeping pattern of snoozing for 2 or 3 hours on the couch in the middle of the day and then not being tired at night. And I seriously lack energy to do anything. Oh, and heartburn is back!

Happy New Year!

2004!

We went out to a party last night with some friends which was very nice. Obviously I'm not drinking, but I don't really drink anyway so it didn't make a huge difference to me! I'm still taking it easy so I sat on my backside most of the evening. Today we went for a walk by the lake which was my first real outing since the spotting started, and no adverse effects of that so far. It's been nice to get out of the house, although I feel a little bit as though I'm coming down with a cold or something as I feel very hot and headachey. Definitely could do without that!