babyblog

Tabitha - 4 months

Dear Tabitha,

Today you are 4 months old. Wisdom has it that 4 months is a bit of a milestone in that it usually sees the end of the more fussy, colicy, troublesome period and the start of a new phase. In your case, this is absolutely correct! In the last few weeks you've settled down into a routine which has come naturally to you, and you have stopped being inconsolably fussy for no apparent reason!

A week or so ago I re-introduced a pacifier to you (aka 'doody'). You had been sucking at your hands for days and I wondered if you just needed some extra comfort from sucking something..... sure enough you accepted it without a problem and all of a sudden we saw a huge change in you! If you get fussy now and I know you're not hungry or tired, I can pop it into your mouth and it instantly calms you. It doesn't even have to be in for long.... it's just obviously something you need to calm yourself down!

You've got into a nice routine with naptimes now. You have 3 naps per day just as you should, and your biggest one lasts the duration of both boys being at school (yay for that!). You'll even fall asleep in the car now without complaint and can be transferred from car to just about anywhere still in your car seat without waking up.

We had a disaster with your swing which you are still fairly addicted to. It broke last week. I ended up running between 5 different stores desperately trying to find a new one and thankfully managed to pick one up before you woke at 4am and refused to sleep anywhere but it like usual. Tyipcally, that night for the first time, you went back to sleep in your bassinet and have done ever since after your night time feed. You do still enjoy your afternoon nap in the swing however, although I can see there will be a time in the near future where I might just get you down in your bassinet.

Speaking of the bassinet, you're just about too big for it. Sob. You are growing so very quickly!

You're very keen on your brothers, especially Harry at the moment. I think you somehow identify that he's a little person like you are and you have tons and tons of grins for him. Yesterday you were lying on my bed while I tidied up and Harry was there too, playing with a bag full of Halloween goodies that he'd got at a party. I ran into the bathroom for a few seconds and when I came back, discovered that Harry had done THIS to you.

You've started to enjoy a couple of toys this month. You're working on grabbing and grasping at things, including your own feet, but you are really loving these plastic rings that you have, and you love nothing more than to clutch and snuggle with a piece of fabric or blanket, pulling it up to your face then looking amazed that you managed to do it! You like sitting in your bumbo seat, you're happy to lie on a playmat under your gym for maybe 5 minutes, and yesterday we tried you in Jodie's 'Jumparoo' which you loved as it gave you the chance to put weight on your feet (another favourite) while you looked at some cool toys. I have one of those on your Christmas list for you, I think we may need to get it early!

Anyway my darling girl, this month has been a joy and you get more and more scrumptious by the minute! We are all completely in love with you and how fast you're growing up..... before we know it you're going to be eating real food, I can't believe it's happening so quickly!

All my love my beautiful little princess

Mummy xxx

When I was a kid

I vividly remember the feeling, as a child, when there was school work to be done. I didn't want to do it. I wanted to get away without having to do it. Something in my brain wouldn't want to focus on what needed to be done and would work out how I could avoid it. In hindsight I'd often feel pressured because of the avoidance, probably more pressure than would have been created by actually doing the work. Seeing deadline coming up and not having done things I was supposed to have done was very stressful.

Sadly, I am seeing these traits in Dylan now and I just don't know what to do. When we were kids our parents weren't particularly interested in the daily details of what was going on at school or sitting down with us to do our homework or any of that stuff which is far more usual today. It was usually limited to asking if I had homework (and a lie would suffice to manage to avoid it), or shouting when found out for not having done something. This was normal..... parents just didn't get that involved.

Today parents are expected to be hands on with their kids schooling and very involved in the daily workload. We sit Dylan down at the dining table every night and he does his homework infront of us. We answer questions if he needs help, we discuss where he might be going wrong if needed, we explain things to him if he's stuck, and we sign off every night that he's done it before school the following morning. This involvement is expected to continue - and our knowledge of exactly what homework he has in his bag will continue.

This morning I discovered a letter in his bag which was 2 weeks late coming home thanks to him leaving his weekly newsletter paperwork at school. It discussed the book report that he's supposed to have completed by the end of the week. including having read a book, taken a test on that book, designed a made a cover for the book and prepared both a written and oral report about the book. The letter said that parents should be helping him at home with this project but that the majority would be done in class. When I queried this with him he clammed up, squirmed, tried to avoid discussing, and basically drove me insane with anger until I finally got from him that he had done nothing towards this. What the fuck is he doing while everyone else is working on it in class? He can't answer this (or won't). Why hadn't he told us about it? Why aren't we working on it? He can't or won't answer this either.

I find myself shouting and shouting. At one point he goes to the bathroom saying he's going to throw up. I feel bad, then 5 mins later discover him in there reading a book. I am angrier again. I just do not know what is going on in this boys head sometimes...... and while shouting at him I realise I used to stand in his shoes while my dad shouted at me for these same kinds of things and I just don't know what to do. Clearly that approach didn't work on me, how do I get Dylan to care about what's going on at school? I have a nasty suspicion that I can't, and that this is going to be the way of the future. There must be an answer.

In the meantime I have emailed his teacher and asked how it is possible that others in the class have been working on this project during class and he hasn't.

UPDATE EMAIL FROM TEACHER

Dylan is not behind if he has read books that he can use for the report. I am a little behind in introducing the report. I was gone Wed. – Friday of last week. We will be working on the reports this week and next. The only people that are behind are the ones that have not read a book and taken a test this year.
Thanks,

John

FUCKS SAKE. Now I feel awful for yelling at Dylan.

Update

So first, the diet. The diet is going well. I've lost 10lb in the first 3 weeks. Largely, I believe, thanks to the fact that I'm also breasteeding. The Nutrisystem diet doesn't recommend breastfeeding while on it, but I did some research and determined that this is because while breastfeeding you need 1500-2000 calories per day, and this diet doesn't provide that many so there's a danger that the milk supply would dry up. I found anecdotal evidence from plenty of people saying that they added a few more calories in and all was fine so I decided it was worth trying. I basically have an extra fruit serving, an extra fat free yoghurt, and a wholegrain small roll each day which brings me up to 1500. No problem. I now fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans at last. G is losing more slowly than I am but also looking better.

The baby is doing very well since she agreed with the pacifier concept. She's so much easier to pacify (!) when really fussy and we've even had a few quiet car journeys - yay! Otherwise she is yummy and lovely and I am really enjoying her. Girls are, I'm now sure, far more difficult than boys as babies. They're much more demanding and fussy! But at the same time obviously also incredibly rewarding and scrumptious and what fun to dress up ;-)

Here's a photo of her and I today taken by Mr Dylan and obviously edited a tad by yours truly.

Harry has had a bit of a tough week this week. I don't know if he's acting out a little but he's been quite whiny and naughty. I've found myself shouting at him a fair bit which I'm sure compounds the problem, but it's tough when he's refusing to eat and messing about at the table or similar. We made an effort to give him some 'special' attention this weekend..... including taking him and only him to a play place on Saturday afternoon and generally playing with him more and being as nice as possible to him. Hopefully this will help matters.

Dylan is Dylan is Dylan. Working well at school, manically busy with after school activities, driving me mad with indecision on occasion, and being lovely and caring and considerate on others! I'm sitting here tonight with him watching the new Harry Potter movie and letting him stay up a little later for a treat.

Firsts

This week my little princess has done two very cool things.

Firstly, laughter! Gareth was singing to her and bouncing her on his knee and she burst out laughing (who can blame her with that voice to listen to!) and giggled and giggled for a good 10 minutes. Adorable!

Secondly, she finally decided that a pacifier was acceptable, and this has made an ENORMOUS difference! On Tuesday, the day she accepted it after I popped it into her grumpy mouth in desperation. She went to sleep! Then she was quiet in the car for the first time.... and then slept through my lunch out with friends instead of complaining! On Weds we went for a playdate and she was horribly overtired, I popped it in and once again - she slept! In the car Dylan kept popping it in her mouth when she dropped it and we had a mostly quiet journey home ....... it was so nice not to have her screaming the whole way. Hoorah for pacifiers! I hope we can get her into a nice routine whereby she'll enjoy having one for nap times and on long car rides and that it'll help her sleep and feel content :)

The little things...

It's amazing what a couple of hours out can do for your state of mind.

This morning I went out with a couple of friends to get some things organized for a friend who is leaving. We met for a coffee first and then did our bits and bobs (no details just incase she is reading!) and I was out for 3 hours WITHOUT THE CHILDREN. Bliss. Adult conversation. Nobody screaming. Nobody needing anything. It's so rare and utterly and wonderfully revitalizing!

Chinese Torture

The night before last, Tabby woke at 2.30am and refused to go back to sleep until 4.30am. Then just when I thought yes, great, I can go back to sleep for 2 hours Harry decided to wake every 45 mins until morning.

This morning he woke at 6am for a wee and went back to sleep. I was then rudely awakened 45 mins later by him having got up again and gone for a poo, shouting MUM, COME AND WIPE MY BUM!!

The joys.

Baby Trouble

Well not really trouble so much as just HARD WORK and sleep issues.

When I say 'hard work', I mean that she's being quite high maintenance. She is incredibly sweet and smiley and cute and scrumptious but she has long periods every day during which she's really difficult.

I think that aside from the reflux, part of her problem is overtiredness much of the time. It's very difficult for her to go to sleep. She nearly always has to nurse herself to sleep and the only other way I can get her off is in the swing. When she wakes up in the middle of the night to feed she will not go back to sleep in her bed. G takes her into the living room to the swing in desperation - and then of course a habit has how formed. In the morning she wakes up and feeds and is awake and happy for a bit then gets very stroppy and goes back to sleep (in the swing) waking shortly thereafter thanks to noisy Harry and being even more grumpy, then finally dozing off properly just in time to be woken up for the school run. She will not sleep in the car. She screams in the car. THE WHOLE TIME. It's very draining. The afternoon routine is pretty similar with the not sleeping and being overtired and fussy, she dozes off just before going to get Dylan then screams for an hour during that school run, comes home and can't do anything with her.... she'll have a short swing nap at that point and then be a nightmare till bed time. Bed time is at least becoming better. She has a bath around 6.30 then nurses for about an hour until I can transfer her to bed when she's zonked.... which at least is better than it used to be.

Any suggestions on how to improve her daytime routine extremely welcome, the problems are really a) noise b) mid-day school run c) 3pm school run all of which involve waking her up!!

1 week into the diet

I'm good, I'm down 5lb. The food is OK..... the breakfasts and lunches are fine and it's easy to eat the extra bits too (fruits, veg's, salads). The dinners are a bit hit & miss but at least next month I"ll know which ones I don't like when I do the order again. G is following it too but inexplicably isn't losing weight. His blood sugar, though, has stablized for the first time , well, EVER. Fantastic. He needs to give them a call re: the weight loss. I suspect it's his body going from 0391201302983109283102938 calories per day to 1500 and going into shock / starvation mode. It'll probably start coming off soon.

Nutrisystem

Gareth and I both started a major diet today. It's called the 'Nutrisystem' diet . The basic idea is that they send you meals based on the Glycemic Index, to which you add fruits and vegetables and some dairy and you lose weight.

There are several reasons we chose this diet.

Firstly, the most obvious - we need to lose weight. I've lost what I gained while pregnant but I was overweight to begin with so I would like to get rid of some of it, if not all of it! Gareth also gained while I was pregnant and needs to lose a fair bit.

They have a special programme for diabetics which appealed to us, meaning he can for once get his blood sugars under control.

The problem I have with diets is that I get excited about them for a short period of time and then the amount of effort involved in ensuring I buy the right foods, cook the right foods, and subsequently eat the right foods! Usually I get bored after a short while and slip back into the easy (and unhealthy) options.

The other thing is life is completely manic since the arrival of a certain young lady, and since a certain young man started preschool , and a certain other young man started 50 million after school activities. Time is very short, energy even less so, so the idea that someone delivers all the food to me that I have to eat is very appealing. It is mostly processed meals that you microwave which of course have sodium and whatnot in, but compare that to eating very unhealthily and being overweight, they win.

I also don't have to cook twice for us and for the kids..... I only have to cook for the kids.

The food itself is loaded up with protein to sustain you during the day and stop your blood sugars spiking. A good thing. To it, you add fruits, salads, dairy. I have to maintain 1500 calories a day for the breastfeeding so I may have to add a few bits in but we'll see. They have this awesome website which you log in to daily which knows exactly which foods you ordered, and offers you a daily diary to tick them off and also enter what other foods you have, and keeps a running total of calories, etc. So far so great too, I had a huge breakfast of their cereal + a slice of toast + some grapes + a non fat yoghurt........ a chicken noodle soup for lunch + a roll + a salad + some ham..... an afternoon snack of an apple + a nonfat yoghurt..... and dinner still to come. I've eaten tons and am at around 850 calories!

Gareth is happy too and for the first time in goodness knows how long his blood sugars have been STABLE today. Not spiking after he ate. Fanbloodytastic. He is basically eating the same as I am.

Keep your fingers crossed that we lose loads of weight, stay healthy, it doesn't affect the breastfeeding, and that I don't crave sugar, lol.